Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Begin the Beguine in the Throes of Passion

After what I write here you may say I need to get a life, or at least get a mortgage for a home with some distance from my neighbors. So be it.

A couple of weekends ago I was asleep at about 4 AM on the clock, and I was awakened by a woman's crying voice. I rose from bed in panic and looked out the window. As I came to consciousness, I realized that the noise came from my neighbor who was in the midst of passion with some gal who did not mind letting others know that she was where she was. It was quite annoying to me, and became more so when it happened a week later. At that point it became more than annoying, in fact it was ridiculous. The second time I turned on my TV set so loud that it drowned out any noise, and I think they got the message.

I should say that I live in a place where "singles" mostly reside. I have no contact with any of my neighbors. I mind my own business and they do so likewise. Having lived here for over a year, I recognize that none of these singles want to double with me--nor do I want to double with any of them. The feeling is mutual.

I am not so stupid that I can't recognize that when I was awakened with the screams of passion there was probably envy involved (even when it happened the second time). But having lived in this domicile for over a year, it was strange that all of a sudden my neighbor decided to throw caution to the wind and let his adventures disrupt my sleep. I don't even know the dude. He seems pretty ordinary, but I don't want to hear him busting a nut in the midst of my sweet dreams.

Don't get me wrong. I suppose I would do the same if I were in love. I hope he finds love with this loud girl and lives happily ever after. Nor do I fault the guy for getting what he can get when he gets it. I hate to be a Malvolio and say that no one can have fun. But apart from waking me up--and freaking me out thinking that there is some woman crying alone in the parking lot--I would advocate the age old advice which says that one must try to demonstrate some self restraint. Have some respect for your neighbors.

I recognize that in the year and some more months that I have lived here my sleep has not been disrupted. Perhaps my neighbor has had a dry spell, and he is letting it all hang out--but I speculate. Perhaps this new girl likes my neighbor so much that she feels she must make such a racket to show him that she loves him. Nonetheless, why live down to such porno video standards? I can think of all kinds of reasons to ameliorate this situation, but in the end he is playing the role of some erstwhile Hugh Hefner and I'm trying to get some sleep. Either my neighbor is a porn star, or he needs to stop making such noise in his one night stand (I suspect it is the latter).

Of course, I am a hypocrite. These are the same people who complain when I get drunk and play Art Pepper too loud at 2 AM. In response I must say, "Fuck 'em--and leave me alone."

Meanwhile, it is true that I sleep alone. Poor me. But my neighbor needs to put a lid on it too--otherwise it's a 4 AM session of Art Pepper's version of "Begin the Beguine." And this time it will be played at 11--if you know what I mean.

In defense of my neighbor, let me play this song by the '80s one hit wonders JoBoxers--Just Got Lucky.

Then in retailiation--it's Art Pepper.

UPDATE: I was reading Lester Bangs' Psychotic Reactions and Carburetor Dung, and he claimed this was the best "piss off your neighbors" music. I would agree, but you would have to play the whole album through to "Sister Ray."

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